Mom Guilt: 1st Child vs 2nd Child

I’ve been feeling A LOT of mom guilt for the mom Sawyer has gotten vs the mom Brooks had gotten this early on! I feel like I’ve been really hard on myself lately about things that Brooks got that Sawyer has not, including things like lots of one on one time! Because of this I feel like Brooks had a lot more learning opportunities by this point because of that time we had together and things being a lot slower, he was a COVID baby. With Brooks in school three days a week, I do get some one on one time with Sawyer but feel like a lot of the time is eaten up by errands and daily things that need to get done or we choose to do!

I feel like we read a lot more with Brooks than Sawyer, don’t get me wrong we read with Sawyer but I felt like it happened a lot more with Brooks.

I’ve given myself a really hard time about Brooks receiving a lot more patient version of me than Sawyer receives! Sawyer gets fussed at more than Brooks got fussed at, I feel like because Brooks is watching and we want to be as fair as we can. Sawyer hears a lot more fussing, crying and gets a lot less quiet than Brooks got being the only! I have to remind myself that Sawyer doesn’t know any different and LOVES Brooks fiercely so it’s not necessarily bad for him “but man!” as a mom I’ve given myself a lot of pressure and grief over this! 

I do have some opportunity for growth here too! Acknowledging areas that I can improve upon but also not putting pressure on myself at the same. My mantra has always been that there is always room to improve, learn, and grow and in mom life it is no different! Reading is an area that is super easy to fix, all we have to do is add more reading time for all of us and Sawyer gets to be involved in that too! I also need to do a better job reading to him more consistently at nap time. Patience is another area I have for growth and I am trying really hard to be more mindful of my tone and notice when I am getting to a place of impatience with both boys! I am working on when I realize I am getting to that place to stop, take a deep breath and take a minute if I need one! So I can say or do what I am doing with more patience.

All of this to say being a mama is hard!!! Being a 2nd time mama is hard! Being a mama in general is hard but it is also AMAZING and has a lot of AMAZING moments mixed with these hard ones! Don’t discount your hard mama but also don’t stay in that space! Talk to someone when you need to and look at those beautiful babies! 

I know I am not alone in these feelings and am sharing to hopefully give another 2nd time mom a little be of reprieve knowing you are not alone but also to say to that 2nd time mama you’re doing a DANG good job mama!!! Get out of your head and be the best you can for those kiddos! Find an area or two that you can improve upon, let go of the guilt, and give yourself some grace mama! Your kiddo(s) love you and you are their mama for a reason!!! Live in that! 

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